diff --git a/conf/default.conf.php b/conf/default.conf.php
index 892e395046..4e88b69d10 100644
--- a/conf/default.conf.php
+++ b/conf/default.conf.php
@@ -444,6 +444,14 @@ return array(
   // seeing which setting loads faster and feels better.
   'tokenizer.ondemand'          => false,
 
+  // By default, Phabricator includes some silly nonsense in the UI, such as
+  // a submit button called "Clowncopterize" in Differential and a call to
+  // "Leap Into Action". If you'd prefer more traditional UI strings like
+  // "Submit", you can set this flag to disable most of the jokes and easter
+  // eggs.
+  'phabricator.serious-business' => false,
+
+
 // -- Files ----------------------------------------------------------------- //
 
   // Lists which uploaded file types may be viewed in the browser. If a file
diff --git a/src/applications/auth/controller/email/PhabricatorEmailLoginController.php b/src/applications/auth/controller/email/PhabricatorEmailLoginController.php
index 4c32a5a4f7..cba43f31b9 100644
--- a/src/applications/auth/controller/email/PhabricatorEmailLoginController.php
+++ b/src/applications/auth/controller/email/PhabricatorEmailLoginController.php
@@ -33,6 +33,8 @@ class PhabricatorEmailLoginController extends PhabricatorAuthController {
     $e_captcha = true;
     $errors = array();
 
+    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
+
     if ($request->isFormPost()) {
       $e_email = null;
       $e_captcha = 'Again';
@@ -65,7 +67,15 @@ class PhabricatorEmailLoginController extends PhabricatorAuthController {
 
         if (!$errors) {
           $uri = $target_user->getEmailLoginURI();
-          $body = <<<EOBODY
+          if ($is_serious) {
+            $body = <<<EOBODY
+You can use this link to reset your Phabricator password:
+
+  {$uri}
+
+EOBODY;
+          } else {
+            $body = <<<EOBODY
 Condolences on forgetting your password. You can use this link to reset it:
 
   {$uri}
@@ -78,6 +88,7 @@ Best Wishes,
 Phabricator
 
 EOBODY;
+          }
 
           $mail = new PhabricatorMetaMTAMail();
           $mail->setSubject('[Phabricator] Password Reset');
diff --git a/src/applications/differential/view/addcomment/DifferentialAddCommentView.php b/src/applications/differential/view/addcomment/DifferentialAddCommentView.php
index bce8ea5a93..b3305debe4 100644
--- a/src/applications/differential/view/addcomment/DifferentialAddCommentView.php
+++ b/src/applications/differential/view/addcomment/DifferentialAddCommentView.php
@@ -67,6 +67,8 @@ final class DifferentialAddCommentView extends AphrontView {
 
     require_celerity_resource('differential-revision-add-comment-css');
 
+    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
+
     $revision = $this->revision;
 
     $form = new AphrontFormView();
@@ -105,7 +107,7 @@ final class DifferentialAddCommentView extends AphrontView {
           ->setValue($this->draft))
       ->appendChild(
         id(new AphrontFormSubmitControl())
-          ->setValue('Clowncopterize'));
+          ->setValue($is_serious ? 'Submit' : 'Clowncopterize'));
 
     Javelin::initBehavior(
       'differential-add-reviewers-and-ccs',
@@ -202,7 +204,9 @@ final class DifferentialAddCommentView extends AphrontView {
     if ($unit_warning) {
       $panel_view->appendChild($unit_warning);
     }
-    $panel_view->setHeader('Leap Into Action');
+
+    $panel_view->setHeader($is_serious ? 'Add Comment' : 'Leap Into Action');
+
     $panel_view->addClass('aphront-panel-accent');
     $panel_view->addClass('aphront-panel-flush');
 
diff --git a/src/applications/maniphest/controller/taskdetail/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php b/src/applications/maniphest/controller/taskdetail/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php
index 96ec82b2ea..ef21669a2f 100644
--- a/src/applications/maniphest/controller/taskdetail/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php
+++ b/src/applications/maniphest/controller/taskdetail/ManiphestTaskDetailController.php
@@ -334,6 +334,14 @@ class ManiphestTaskDetailController extends ManiphestController {
 
     $panel_id = celerity_generate_unique_node_id();
 
+    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
+
+    if ($is_serious) {
+      // Prevent tasks from being closed "out of spite" in serious business
+      // installs.
+      unset($resolution_types[ManiphestTaskStatus::STATUS_CLOSED_SPITE]);
+    }
+
     $comment_form = new AphrontFormView();
     $comment_form
       ->setUser($user)
@@ -405,7 +413,7 @@ class ManiphestTaskDetailController extends ManiphestController {
           ->setActivatedClass('aphront-panel-view-drag-and-drop'))
       ->appendChild(
         id(new AphrontFormSubmitControl())
-          ->setValue('Avast!'));
+          ->setValue($is_serious ? 'Submit' : 'Avast!'));
 
     $control_map = array(
       ManiphestTransactionType::TYPE_STATUS   => 'resolution',
@@ -453,7 +461,7 @@ class ManiphestTaskDetailController extends ManiphestController {
     $comment_panel->appendChild($comment_form);
     $comment_panel->setID($panel_id);
     $comment_panel->addClass('aphront-panel-accent');
-    $comment_panel->setHeader('Weigh In');
+    $comment_panel->setHeader($is_serious ? 'Add Comment' : 'Weigh In');
 
     $preview_panel =
       '<div class="aphront-panel-preview">
diff --git a/src/applications/people/controller/edit/PhabricatorPeopleEditController.php b/src/applications/people/controller/edit/PhabricatorPeopleEditController.php
index 4503c15737..3642677633 100644
--- a/src/applications/people/controller/edit/PhabricatorPeopleEditController.php
+++ b/src/applications/people/controller/edit/PhabricatorPeopleEditController.php
@@ -121,6 +121,7 @@ class PhabricatorPeopleEditController extends PhabricatorPeopleController {
     $errors = array();
 
     $welcome_checked = true;
+    $is_serious = PhabricatorEnv::getEnvConfig('phabricator.serious-business');
 
     $request = $this->getRequest();
     if ($request->isFormPost()) {
@@ -196,10 +197,16 @@ After you have set a password, you can login in the future by going here:
 
   {$base_uri}
 
+EOBODY;
+
+              if (!$is_serious) {
+                $body .= <<<EOBODY
 Love,
 Phabricator
 
 EOBODY;
+              }
+
               $mail = id(new PhabricatorMetaMTAMail())
                 ->addTos(array($user->getPHID()))
                 ->setSubject('[Phabricator] Welcome to Phabricator')